Rabbi Emerita Column - January February 2022

January 9th, 2022

Dear Friends,

Being retired has its own challenges. Chief among them was, like for you, worrying about Covid. I say ‘was,’ because Nancy and I both tested positive last week. I wasn’t feeling 100% and decided to test. As I watched for the bars to appear, I knew in my heart but was still shocked when two little strips emerged to proclaim that yes, I was indeed positive. Nancy decided not to ‘waste’ a test and we just assumed that we were both positive. Two days later she did test, and we were right. We were both positive.

Do you know the joke about the kid whose mom spends all day worrying about a precious vase that she has on the fireplace mantle? After playing ball indoors, mom comes home from work and her child says: ‘Hey mom, you know that vase that you are constantly worried about? Guess what? I have good news: you don’t have to worry anymore!’

That is how we now feel about Covid. Of course we know that there is still plenty to worry about, plenty of unvaccinated and immuno-compromised folks who are at risk. But our personal experience was most comparable to having a cold. No big deal. We felt safe and healthy, if not a bit antsy for having to isolate.

We are sharing this personal information about ourselves too because we want to dispel the stigma around having Covid. There is no shame in testing positive, only in not being responsible. I think of those members of our congregation, and far too many others, who contracted Covid in 2020, before there was a vaccine. And those today, mostly young children, who are unable to receive a vaccine. We pray mightily for them.

As for us, we breathe deep and wait patiently (ok, not so patiently) for our isolation period to be over, so we can get back to all the wonders of socialization.

Be well, stay safe, and enjoy this one precious life.
- Rabbi O. & Nancy A

P.S. As of the printing of this SHOFAR we are happy to report that both Rabbi Offner & Nancy have tested negative!

Rabbi's Column - June 2021

Note: These remarks were offered by Rabbi Offner at the Annual Meeting on May 19th:

Dear Friends,

“The year in review.” My goodness. In my 37 years in the rabbinate, I have never gasped at that phrase as I do this year, the year of the greatest pandemic to ever hit us. This has, beyond doubt, been the most difficult year of my career – and yes, for those of you who were there for my Jewish Journey – more difficult than any challenge I have ever faced before.

And yet. “Af al pi chen.” We Jews are so good at staring down horrors that we have a phrase for it. “Af al pi chen” we say: NEVERTHELESS.

NEVERTHELESS, Temple Beth Tikvah has just walked through one of the greatest years in our history. We have broken ground on a new building. We have raised millions of dollars to assure that there will be a tomorrow as well as a yesterday for Jewish life on the Shoreline. We have welcomed a new Cantor, hired entirely on Zoom back in the day when we all thought that ‘zoom’ was a word we used to describe what airplanes do as they fly overhead. And that Cantor, God bless her, has flourished and taught and guided, beyond our greatest expectations.

And Kim Romine. There are no words. Stalwart, faithful, devoted tirelessly and effectively to all things TBT.

And oh yes, also one year ago: Sarah Mervine said ‘yes’ to the call to be president of TBT. She did so before “Covid” was a word in our vocabulary. Sarah Mervine, unbeknownst to her, inherited a building project, a capital campaign, a cantor transition and oh why not throw in a rabbi transition, and a COVID lockdown. Sarah: you have been my partner in all things in every way. You have selflessly, tirelessly, courageously, led our synagogue during this year of all years. YOU are amazing. And it has surely been one of the greatest gifts for me, to top off my rabbinate with getting to work side by side with you. Thank you.

In the midst of all the pandemic challenges, there have been blessings. Serious blessings that I hope we will take with us into the future. One: we have discovered the out-of-doors. KOL AMI has brought hiking into our Jewish lives. Services have been taken outside. Classes meet outside. Bar & Bat Mitzvahs are under tents. The Israelites in the desert first gathered under tents to seek God’s presence and now we know why. I haven’t met a Bar or Bat Mitzvah family all year long that hasn’t been grateful for the forced simplicity of their events. It has given them permission to focus on the truly important part of becoming B’nei Mitzvah.

This has also been a year of far more intentional connectedness. Through Helping Hands, first envisioned and established by Steve Eppler-Epstein, and the 2-Way L’Dor VaDor program that has been brilliantly steered by Donna Fedus, we have learned that “kol yisrael aravin zeh-ba-zeh,’ “all Israel is connected one to the other.” Just two more thoughts and then I will stop.

One: we have accepted technology into our events. What was once unseemly is now holy. Burying our loved ones and being able to live-stream from the cemetery, or getting married under the chupah and having grandparents who can’t travel able to attend, and my favorite example: I actually did a Brit Shalom, a baby-naming, where the parents and their baby were in Australia, one set of grandparents were in Montreal, the other grandparents were in Tel Aviv, and the proud aunt was here in Connecticut. These are nothing short of miracles and they not only helped us during a pandemic, they changed us and the way we practice Judaism, for the better.

And finally: we have witnessed a return to what has always been the central sanctuary of Jewish life: the home. I have watched each of you take charge of your Jewish lives. And that is a good thing. Rabbis are not meant to be in charge. We Jews do not believe in intermediaries. Rather, we believe in “Torah, Avodah and Gemilut Chasadim.” We believe in growing and stretching ourselves and doing acts of kindness. God bless you all, this has been a year of growing in Torah and envigorating our worship and doing countless acts of love & kindness. TBT can surely look to the future, as we open a new building and welcome a new rabbi, with gusto and enthusiasm.

Rabbi Stacy Offner

Rabbi's Column - April 2021

Here’s a trivia question for you. There are four Jewish holidays in the month of April. None of them are Passover. What are they?

First of all, who could imagine that Passover would have come and gone already? As you read this column, I hope you can reflect back to awesome seders. Some of us were able to have a handful of family at our physical tables, and others logged into Zoom seders. Our TBT Seder was an extraordinary virtual seder! Many thanks to the members of the Religious Activities Committee and to our TBT Tech Team and to our participants for all pitching in to make that happen.

But I digress. So what are the 4 holidays still to come in April?

They are, in calendar order: Yom HaShoah, Yom HaZikaron, Yom Ha’atzma’ut, and Lag B’Omer. And yes, for those of you who really know the score, while the Passover Seders have come and gone, this 7-day holiday continues into April.

How do you observe the end of Passover? Most people celebrate with their favorite type of chametz, for some it is pizza, for others it is a bagel, still others prefer chocolate cake. However you choose to break your refrain from chametz, all of us conclude Pesach with Yizkor. Passover is always linked to the memory of loved ones no longer at our seder table. TBT will observe Yizkor at our Erev Shabbat service on Friday, April 2, at 6pm.

This Yom HaShoah we are going to join with the other synagogues in the Greater New Haven area for a zoom observance organized by Federation. In this year of acute loss because of the pandemic, we will come together to honor the memory of all those who perished in the Holocaust. Importantly, we will remember the strength and spirit of those who died and also of those who survived.

Yom HaZikaron and Yom Ha’atzma’ut are both Israeli holidays: Israel’s Memorial Day and Independence Day. They are poignantly observed one-day after the next, for it is those who have fallen in battle who have made Israel’s independence possible. We mourn, then we rejoice. Israel will be 73 years old on April 15th.

Lag B’Omer falls on the 33rd day of the counting of the Omer. We began our counting following the 2nd Seder, and we continue counting for 7 weeks. The 33rd day of the counting, Lag B’Omer, is best known for bonfires and haircuts and weddings. As we begin to sense a light at the end of the tunnel of pandemic, we look forward to more bonfires and haircuts and weddings, too!

May this month, chock-full of holidays, be a good month for you.
Rabbi Stacy K. Offner

Rabbi's Column - February 2021

When I was packing up my dorm room after graduating from college, there was one assigned book that I had not managed to read. I looked at the book and figured, no worries, I will read it after graduation when I have more free time. For those who are curious, it was a book for a Political Science class, Rachel Varnhagen: The Life of a Jewess, by Hannah Arendt. I never managed to read that book.

What is the lesson here? I’m not sure, but I thought of that moment as I was packing for my sabbatical. It has been a great challenge of my career that being a rabbi, which I dreamt meant being a sage who was always reading books, has often meant other things. I don’t regret for a second that it has meant putting people before books, but my sabbatical does allow me to focus a bit more on the books.

So what am I reading while on sabbatical? I have an eclectic selection of books, and I thought I would share my reading list with you. This is a risky proposition since, as you now know, I have not always completed my reading list. But share I wil!

1. Unfinished Rabbi. This is a book by the late, great Rabbi Arnold Jacob Wolf. Rabbi Wolf was a congregational rabbi on the south side of Chicago. He was a provocateur, and a great intellectual thinker. I was lucky enough to have him as a teacher. What I remember most is when he dared to give his congregation a report card. (For the record, they flunked some items, but received A’s in others). A shout out to TBT congregant Tom Lewy who gave me the book.

2. The Power Broker. This monstrously large book is about the monstrously powerful mastermind behind the urban development that we now know as New York City and environs. Robert Moses shaped much of the infrastructure that we are familiar with today, for better and for worse. It was TBT member Alan Meyers who put this book in my hands some nine years ago. Definitely hoping to read it at last.

3. Apeiragon. Though this is a novel, it is based on the very real “Combatants for Peace” and “Bereaved Parents” group that is comprised of both Israelis and Palestinians who have been wounded by, and had children killed, by the neverending conflict between Israel and the Palestinians. I admit that I didn’t want to read it because it is so painful. Then I realized that I needed to read it because it is so painful.

4. Profiles in Courage. I am always moved by people who take stands that go against their personal interest. At this moment in time, there are many opportunities to be that voice. Why and how do people find the courage to speak out against the tide? How do people discern their moral compass? I hope to find some answers in this great read, credited to President John F. Kennedy, but acknowledged to be written by Ted Sorenson.

Thank you all for the gift of a sabbatical. Special thanks to Cantor Boyle who will be covering for me during my absence. Looking forward to seeing you at the end of February, when we celebrate Purim together on February 25th and 26th.

Have a great February!
Rabbi Stacy K. Offner

Rabbi's Column - January 2021

Are you able to sleep well these days? Has COVID entered into your dreams? I know that I have periods of time when I remember my dreams vividly, and other times not at all. These days, interestingly enough, it’s been a hybrid. I wake up just knowing that I have been dreaming, but I have no clue what the dream has been. Nothing. Not the feeling, not the characters, not the plot.

Maybe that makes me lucky. I know that at the very least I have been sleeping well. How about you? Maybe you are sleeping better because, without that commute to work, you get to sleep later than usual. Then again, maybe not. Maybe you are racked with anxiety dreams. You sure do have every right to those, as we are now in the 10th straight month of mask-wearing and social-distancing. In some ways, the anxiety increases as we begin to believe that there may be a finish line. I think of Dorothy on her way to the Emerald City, all her friends wanting to give up. “But we’ve come so far, already,” Dorothy says in an effort to cheer them on and lift up their spirits.

Surely it is the Biblical Joseph who is most famously associated with dreams. Earlier in his life, Joseph’s dreams got him into trouble. They were the source of his misfortune as his brothers threw him into the pit. But when Pharaoh starts having strange dreams, Joseph rises in power because of his ability to interpret them.

When we speak of dreams, we mean different things. On the most literal level, dreams are what we do in our sleep. But to dream has a higher meaning as well. To dream can imply a sense of a larger vision of life, a sense that things could somehow be better than they are at present and a direction for how to advance toward that goal.

We have been doing a lot of dreaming these days. Right here at TBT, we dream about the future in our new building, safe and sound. As we prepare to celebrate Cantor Boyle’s installation as TBT’s Cantor, I know I also dream – on her behalf – for the day when she can engage with our congregation in the physical space of our newly renovated and beautified sanctuary. And if that’s not enough: We dream too about who the next rabbi of TBT will be. I know I dream of passing that torch to the perfect rabbi for the next chapter of TBT’s life. I dream too, of being in our new space, of looking back upon a successful capital campaign, so we can not only dream dreams, but pay for those dreams so we can live the dream.

About dreams, the midrash teaches: it is “true that everyone dreams, but a leader’s dream embraces the whole world.” And so, first and foremost, our greatest dream right now is to live in a world where we can touch and gather and embrace without risking our lives to do so.

I say: let us dream on, of a world not only free of the corona virus, but a world where we are free to heal the sick and comfort the bereaved, to feed the hungry and shelter the homeless, to reach for the stars and to hold each other tight. Hold fast to dreams for dreams do come true.

Rabbi Offner

Rabbi's Column - December 2020

What is the holiday of Chanukah really about? You ask someone who knows, and you get a different answer every time. It seems like a simple question, but the truth is, there is no easy answer.

The truth is – “What is Chanukah?” is one of the Talmud’s most famous questions. You have to know that if the rabbis are asking the question, there is no easy answer.

What is YOUR answer? I am sure that you have been asked the question many times, even been invited countless times to come into your child’s class and answer that question to an entire classroom of kids – most of whom are not Jewish – and their only reference point is Christmas.

“It’s the Jewish Christmas,” some will say. The truth is, both holidays do light lights during the darkest time of year. The truth is, that gesture is worthy of a holiday, not only at this physically darkest time of the year, but at this corona virus darkest time of the year. How do we respond to deep darkness? We create light.

But truth be told, when the rabbis of the Talmud asked: “Mei Chanukah” in their native Aramaic, when they asked “what is Chanukah?” that was not their answer.

“What is Chanukah?” the rabbis ask in tractate Shabbat 21b. And they answer their own question by explaining: “On the 25th of Kislev - when the Greeks entered the Temple, they polluted all the oils in the Temple, and when the Hasmonean dynasty overcame and defeated them, they checked and they found but one cruse of oil that was set in place with the seal of the High Priest, but there was in it only [enough] to light a single day. A miracle was done with it, and it stayed lit for eight days.”

Oil that was only enough for one day lasted for eight days. So Chanukah, it seems, is a holiday celebrating resilience. How much ‘oil’ do you have left in you? How do you sustain yourself, keep going, stretch the oil, the fuel that keeps you going, especially during a pandemic?

Chanukah teaches us how to live. And miraculously, Chanukah is a holiday we can celebrate in the safety of our own homes. Everyone can take a moment on each of the eight nights of Chanukah to kindle light, to remember that those who came before us gained strength and sustenance from this simple, accessible tradition.

Chanukah begins this year on Thursday, December 10th at sunset when we kindle the 1st candle. The 2nd night is Erev Shabbat and we will come together (virtually), as a congregation, and we will each kindle our own chanukiot, as Zoom gives us – yes – another miracle: the miracle of being inside everyone’s home at the same time and together we witness the faith and courage of our people as we kindle a light against the darkness and pray for another miracle of deliverance this year.

To a Chanukah filled with light and sustenance and miracles,
Rabbi Offner

Rabbi's Column - November 2020

Most knowledgeable Jews are quick to claim that there are NO Jewish holidays in the month of November -- but I beg to disagree. We have not only one, but two important Jewish holidays each and every November. Tuesday, November 3rd is Election Day, and I like to consider Election Day as a holiday in the best tradition of Jewish customs and values. Thursday, November 26th, is Thanksgiving, and the giving of thanks is also a core Jewish value.

This year we have an Election Day like no other. Roughly one-third of the electorate has already cast their ballot, but Election Day is still Election Day. We Jews have always treasured Election Day. I still can’t shake the image of my Polish-born grandfather dressing in his finest suit to go and cast his vote. Why? Perhaps it is because we have so rarely been accorded the right to vote that we don’t dare ever take it for granted. As battles rage across this country about access to vote it is important to remember that the right to vote is, in the scheme of things, a recent privilege for the Jewish people. It was not until the eighteenth century (that is, relatively recently) that public discourse even entertained the notion that Jews might vote, and otherwise become full participants of any nation, including ours. To this day, we Jews must remember that voting is a privilege not to be taken for granted, and a right that must be protected.

A major reason why the notion of Jews voting had hitherto been preposterous was that the pre-modern state was thoroughly intertwined with a particular religion. Even right here on the Shoreline! Once upon a time, you had to be a member of the church to cast a vote. The ability of Jews today to fully engage in the political processes of the United States has to do with a concept that did not exist prior to the 18th century. That concept is that nationality and religion can be separated.

That concept is also fundamental to our full embrace of Thanksgiving as a national holiday. The focus is rightly on the giving of thanks and we need to cultivate that sense of gratitude, especially now when times are so hard. In a year when we likely can’t sit around the Thanksgiving table as in years past, we can still tap into our appreciation for all that we do have. One thing I am grateful for is our interfaith community here in Madison & Guilford. My Christian colleagues are amongst my most treasured friends. I look forward to the day when we have greater religious diversity on the shoreline and Hindu temples and Muslim mosques also grace the skyline.

What are you grateful for? Hopefully, come Thanksgiving Day, you will look back upon Election Day and be very grateful for having voted.
- Rabbi Stacy Offner

Rabbi's Column - October 2020

As we turn from the month of September and the High Holy Days and anticipate the month of October and the autumnal holidays of Sukkot and Simchat Torah, I want to pause for just a moment to dwell – not in the Sukkah just yet – but in the experience of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. Yes it was virtual. Yes it was digital. Yes it was surreal --- but the most important experience of all was that it was real. We came together as a community and honored our holy days. We touched each other’s lives. We were inspired by the Cantor’s singing and all who participated. I am choosing not to name names right now for there are far too many and I fear risking a miss, but we are all richer because of those who participated in so many ways.

We were uplifted by the shofar services, the L’Dor vaDor, the Choir, the piano, the messages, the chatbox!, the break-out groups, the Torah readers, the Haftarah readers, the Bar and Bat Mitzvah kids, the Oseh Shalom, being in our sanctuary, getting glimpses of all those home sanctuaries, seeing all those prayerbooks in your homes, our Temple President and our Temple Presidents, and oh-my-goodness all the behind-the-scenes planning by so many, including our Tech Team and our Religious Activities Committee. The list goes on and on and the sentiments run deep. In fact – don’t take it from me – let me share some of the voices of those who logged in:

“I wanted to say how beautiful the services were: at once moving, comforting and inspiring.”

“The services were wonderful! And meaningful! Thank you!”

“Everything was not only seamless but it was joyful, spiritual, heartfelt and true to our community’s values.”

And this from Molly Babbin whose sermonette inspired us all: “I wanted to say thank you for giving me the opportunity to give a sermonette at Rosh Hashana services. It is wonderful to stay connected to TBT no matter where I am living.”

“We absolutely loved the service and your sermon was an inspiration.”

“Everything went off like clockwork. It was very obvious that a lot of planning and work went into this service. Well done!”

“By far the most inspiring hours we’ve had via Zoom. Outstanding!”

“Thank you for reminding us that to have hope is a gift - and a necessity.”

I myself think back to our holidays and the overwhelming feeling I get is the sensation of your presence, our presence, our togetherness, our being. Thank you, for being the awesome congregation that you are.

Now: onward. Sukkot and Simchat Torah await. To chagim smaychim – to joyful festivals for us all,
Rabbi Stacy K. Offner

Rabbi's Column - September 2020

We are soon to be together to celebrate and observe Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur. Millions of questions swirl around my head as I consider the ways to make our services as spiritually meaningful and inspirational as can be. Let me share some key points with you, as you begin to prepare and anticipate the holidays.

First: we are going to be all together. There were many different platforms we could have chosen and key for us was the value of actually coming together and seeing each other, not just seeing the bima. So we will be on ZOOM.

The next step is equally important: it must be a spiritual experience. Zoom meetings, which we have now all participated in, are not necessarily the most holy of experiences. So we decided that we must be able to experience being ‘in the sanctuary.’ Ironically, as our sanctuary undergoes significant renovation, we had not planned to be physically at TBT in any case. Long before we heard the word ‘Covid’ we knew we needed to be out of the sanctuary for the holidays. We had arranged to gather at the Guilford High School Auditorium – and to have had a ritual last service in our TBT sanctuary before departing. The Corona Virus has altered all our great plans. But now, though it will be via a virtual service, the High Holidays will give us a chance for final services in our sanctuary as we know it today. Cantor Boyle, Walter Stutzman and I spent hours in the sanctuary, with careful safety measures, so we could bring the sanctuary into your homes.

One more critical piece of making the holidays successful, and that depends on YOU. You see, we will bring our sanctuary to you, but you also have to create a sanctuary out of your own homes. That isn’t an easy task. Think about where you are and what you are wearing and what else you are doing when you are on a Zoom meeting. The High Holy Days are not a meeting. They are holy days. Please, I implore you, consider where you are when you log onto High Holiday services. Consider what you wear! Dress up! As though you were coming to shul. It will make a difference. Put flowers on the table, in your sight! For Erev Rosh Hshanah, candlesticks and kiddish wine. For Kol Nidrei, just the candles, please. Close all applications on your computer and just leave Zoom open. Maybe you can connect your computer to your tv screen and make a sanctuary out of your entire living room, not just a desktop in the corner.

Most important: think about it. Be intentional. Come to services fully prepared.

If we are all prepared for the holy days, we will create holiness, and that is something we could all use right now.

Shana Tova – may 5781 bring redemption to us all,
Rabbi Stacy K. Offner

Rabbi's Column Summer 2020

Our summer is anything but “light” this year. Instead of Summer Days we enter our Summer Daze. But it need not be that way and in fact, we can’t afford to be in a daze. There is too much at stake.

We are still immersed in a Pandemic even as the state of Connecticut takes measures to re-open. We are still immersed in a national revelation of ongoing racism. We, as a congregation, are celebrating the comings and goings of Cantors as we shared a beautiful goodbye with Cantor Stanton and we look forward to embracing Cantor Boyle. We have also installed a new President in Sarah Mervine, even as we are glad that we don’t have to say a literal goodbye to Jeff Babbin who now steps into the role of Immediate Past President.

We also have much to look forward to! Our “Summer Services” throughout July and August will, as is now our custom, begin at 6pm with a PreNeg and be a shortened service so you can be out-the-(proverbial)-door by 7pm. And yes – that door is still proverbial as we adhere to the highest standards of COVID-19 health guidelines.

Our Summer Services will be LIVE on Zoom (in other words, they will shift from being pre-recorded on Zoom by the service leaders to being an 'in-real-time’ experience for all participants).

We are also in the midst of planning some live OUTDOOR Shabbat Services this summer. We can look forward to having FOUR outdoor services this summer – two in July and two in August. Two will be in Madison and two will be in Guilford, and each location will have enough space for us to observe social distancing. [See separate article in this Shofar for dates, times and locations.] We are working on ways to also do a live-recording of the service so all of our TBT community can join in, those who are able to join in-person as well as those for whom being at an outdoor service is not the right choice right now. (If YOU have technological expertise in this area and know how we can live-record our outdoor service so others can view it virtually, please call me right away!!!)

As we plan for our Summer Services, I also want you to know that High Holidays are very much on our minds. This virus does not willfully discriminate, but it does seem that large physical gatherings, with singing I might add, will be the last pieces of the COVID puzzle to re-open. I can say with confidence, however, that we are very hard at work on planning a High Holiday experience that will be moving, uplifting, joyous and connecting. To help assure that goal, I invite you to share with me your answers to these questions: “What are the pieces of the High Holidays at TBT that are ‘must haves’ on your list?” and “What is the goal of the High Holidays for you?” The Torah reminds us powerfully that we are to “choose life that you may live.” Rest assured that all of our decisions are driven by this commandment.

One more important item I can’t resist mentioning: Welcome, Cantor Boyle!!! We are so excited to have you as our Cantor-Educator and to have you and Cory living here in Madison at long last! A big Mazel Tov to you both on your upcoming wedding day. All of TBT is invited to the aufruf! We will have an aufruf for Cantor & Cory at our first summer service: Friday, July 3rd at 6pm. It will be our first summer service, Cantor Boyle’s first service as TBT’s Cantor, and a great time for us all to come together in honor of this special moment in all of our lives.

To a beautiful summer,
Rabbi Offner